A Solitary Journey You Need Not Walk Alone

After the loss of my loving husband, I needed grief support stat. I wasn't drowning, but I was treading water for so long, I was exhausted. I researched every possible avenue. I read every widow biography, self-help book, grief website, Facebook group, therapist, counselor, in-person group meeting, and the list goes on. I lived in an area that didn't have grief meetings, grief counselors, or therapists. I looked into online therapy, but it was just too expensive. I didn't have the finances or the insurance to pay for any of it.

I joined a few Facebook groups. There was one for widows and widowers, but that was more like a dating app. Seriously, if I had a dollar for every unsolicited “Hey there, beautiful” message I received, I could have paid for that online therapist! I found one that was all women, and it was moderated pretty well. It was great for a while because I could connect with other women who were in similar situations and felt all the fear, anger, and hopelessness I was feeling. But anytime I'd bring up my faith, there were those few women who didn't believe, and instead of scrolling by, they felt the need to attack. I guess it's no different than any other social media group. It’s like walking into a bakery and being surprised that there are pastries everywhere—except instead of cake, it’s just a bunch of angry comments! However, I don't push my faith on anyone, but I also will not deny it or tolerate online persecution from keyboard bullies. I did find a Christian widows/widowers group, but that too ended up being more like a dating app, only this time it was a Christian dating app. I mean, who knew grief could come with a side of matchmaking?

Finally, I gave up and started reading every widow biography out there. The stories were inspiring, and some individuals truly overcame significant obstacles. However, I still didn't feel a connection between their stories and my own.

I got through my first year alone. It was like a one-person show, starring me as the lead, with supporting roles played by my daily devotional, my journal, and my Bible. I also went to church, which was my only social hour. Now, I had one or two people I could talk to honestly about my feelings. You know, the kind of friends who actually want to know if you’re doing okay, not just the ones who throw out the “How you doing?” like it’s a casual greeting. You know the type: they ask, but they’re really just looking for a quick escape route before you launch into a 20-minute monologue about your existential crisis. And sure, I’ve been blessed with many friends and family. But let’s be real: some of the friends I had before becoming a widow basically ghosted me. I suppose they believed I was managing everything on my own and no longer required any support. Spoiler alert: I did! But hey, at least I got really good at talking to myself. I’m basically a pro at having deep conversations with my reflection now!

The journey was challenging, lengthy, and solitary. At the time, I didn't understand that although I felt lonely, I was never truly alone. It took me two years to discover that I could have reduced that journey to just a few months if I had fully embraced walking in Christ. Today, I can say I'm doing better. I continue to grieve and will do so for the rest of my life. God didn't promise a life without pain or suffering, but He does promise to be a constant companion when you have a relationship with Him. Life can become wonderful once more. Although it will never be exactly as it was, it can still be abundant with joy. Wishing many blessings to you, my friends.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, I ask for Your presence with those who read my blog, granting them solace through my words. May they understand that my words are consistently inspired by Your teachings. Many are burdened with prolonged grief. Please ease their journey and assure them they are never walking that journey alone. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.